Superpowers
Imagine you had the ability to see what happens in the future… the same way Dr. Strange has the timestone, wouldn’t that be the greatest superpower? I believe we all have dreams, right? If given that ability, you could look into the future and influence your present so that you could achieve your end goals.
A Harvard study on adult development now led by their fourth director Dr. Waldinger has all the facts. They’ve studied the lives of 794 men from the time they were teenagers, all the way into old age just to see what really makes people healthy, happy and successful.
They learned that the good life is built with good relationships. They’ve learned that social connections, not fame, wealth nor high achievements, allowed people to live longer, healthier, and happier.
And that is why here are three simple ways to build good relationships
1. You need to have shared goals and values
On the first day of high school, I knew no one in the campus. And because I was desperate to find a friend, I smiled to anyone I encountered. But unlike everyone here in Toastmasters, no one smiled back except one girl. We were in the same class, both had their moms working abroad, had troublesome dads, and both wanted to learn to play the piano.
Our shared outlook in life is one of the reasons why our friendship has thrived for the last 10 years. No matter how different our lives turned out, and no matter how many other circles of friendships we’ve formed outside of our circle, our circle will always remain strong. She can always lean on me, and I on her. And that is why shared values are as important, if not more important than shared goals. Because our friendship wouldn’t last long if one side wanted to take advantage of the other after gaining her heart and trust.
Even if you both have shared goals and values, there are still relationships that go stale which leads me to the second way
2. You need to make time and show appreciation
In the “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying”, Australian nurse Bronnie Ware listed “not maintaining friendships” as one of the people’s biggest death-bed regrets.
Maintaining relationships are difficult, and requires hard work. The process is never-ending and sometimes messy. But relationships aren’t meant to be perfect. People will always get into disagreements, but at the end of the day, strong, warm relationships will open doors for us, be with us when the tides turn against us and support us in whatever endeavors we take. Of course, during good times, they will be the first one to celebrate with us.
Investing time in strengthening your friendships can pay off in better health and a brighter outlook for years to come.
3. Remember birthdays and other important events
3. Remember birthdays and other important events
Lastly, if distance separates you from some people, it’s never an excuse.
You don’t have to talk or facetime them every day, in fact, the best day you should call is during their birthdays. A simple message will do if time won’t permit. And the reality is that most people will remember your birthday unless you hide it in facebook. One trick is to save their birthdays on your calendar apps. Imagine having someone greet you on your special day, no matter how you insist birthdays don’t matter. Wouldn’t that make you feel happy?
Conclusion
We all want wealth and fame, but in the end, these alone won’t make the best life – having good quality relationships will. The good life is built on good relationships, and good relationships are built in many ways. It is first built by having shared goals and values, maintained by making time and showing appreciation, and is kept alive even by simply remembering birthdays.
Now that you’ve known the secret, what will your next step be? Will it be a call to your aging mother, a romantic getaway with your partner, or a simple coffee date with the best buddy you haven’t seen in a year?
